Not Quite Spiderman

So because of Lindsay's fight last weekend he has been too sore to train this week. Which is great for me! Not only do I get to spend extra time with my Marmaduke but the weather has been fabulous and we have been going out on photowalks every night (accompanied by the fabulous Margolicious).

It has been a lot of fun having other people with me while doing my 365 not only for their ideas and help but also to share the often hilarious situations that I get into while doing them.

It was also helpful when I needed saving last night. The top picture was taken at the school just down from my house. I had this great idea that I would take my shot hanging upside down. Once I climbed up however I completely panicked and Lindsay had to help me down. He convinced me to get back on and helped me rethink the shot. I think without him being there I totally would have given up! I love how it turned out in the end though. :)

LOVE

Going for Gold

Saturday was Lindsay's tournament. Is was good be back in the martial arts world again. It was a fun, though long, day and both Lindsay and Randy both went home with the gold.

I had a lot of trouble shooting in the gym, more then I expected. Next time I will have to rent a flash or something. Still managed to get a few good shots and Mom managed to get Lindsay's fights on video.

I am so proud of Lindsay!!

Links to Lindsay's fight videos:

Fight #1 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e-CZZji-hrY&feature=channel

Fight #2 Gold Medal Match http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N7LWfPgud9Q&feature=channel

Happy Birthday Me!

Saturday night we went out and celebrated my birthday with dinner at The Old Spaghetti Factory and drink at The Lamplighter and Metropole. It was a great night with lots of laughs. Luckily I wasn't too hung over the next day :)

Today is my 26th birthday. I have to say that so far it feels no different then 25. Though I do feel that 26 sounds far too grown up for how I feel (and act). This birthday has made me realise though how many amazing and caring friends I have here. I am one of those people who will often feel that life is greener on the other side. This becomes a larger issue with having the option of two beautiful places that I could live. This birthday made me see that sometimes things can be just as green where you are.

So thank you to everyone that has made this birthday a special one!

I Forgot

So I totally messed up and missed a day of 365. Friday night Lindsay and I went out to dinner and then ended up back at Sarah's. We didn't get home until after one and I just completely forgot that I hadn't taken my picture (while technically I would have already missed the day anyway). I didn't realise until I woke up the next day. I was devastated. I wanted to do this project perfectly and now I feel like there is a tarnish.

I took a photo to make up the day that morning but I know it isn't the same. I was all depressed and Lindsay was trying to make me feel better and was like we will fix it. I came back with 'it isn't like I can just hop into my DeLorean and go back to yesterday Lindsay'.

Lindsay went out shopping with Margo that day and just happened to come upon a DeLorean!!! I have to say even though I can't take it and go back to fix my mistake, the photo he took of it did cheer me up immensely! Thanks baby!

Dusty Neglect & The Close of April

So I have been neglecting all things online as of late. My facebook, my flickr and of course my blog. I have been checking in and having a quick glance at what is new but not really doing any work myself. I would love to say this is because I have been so busy with real world events but honestly....I have been sick and just couldn't find the energy. Of course then I think well so much has happened where should I start and then just do nothing at all. A vicious cycle I would say. So getting back on the wagon...

April came to a close and so therefore another month of 365 has been completed. I was actually quite impressed with April in the end. Especially good considering it was a month where I considered quitting more then once. Guess that just goes to show that you have to keep going even when it all feels like crap.

Truth, Lies and Reality

I am someone who likes to know all the facts. I don't like secrets, well that isn't quite correct. I don't like half information. Don't tell me something and then not give me all the information. It makes me obsessive and ridiculous. But I am getting off topic...

Truth is a funny thing. Everyone says that they want the truth. We all know lies are bad and breed other lies and then all of a sudden you are caught in a web of deception and there is no way out. So we pursue the truth and then when we have it, what then?

I spend all this time convinced if I know the truth it will make it all better. I will have all the facts and be able to sit down logically and move forward. Then I get the truth and it hurts more then the not knowing. Nothing is clearer...I don't want to go back to before the truth but I don't like it here either.

Truth hurts. It is important and probably for the best but it hurts. Lies hurt. If you keep up the lie they hurt the liar, if you eventually tell the truth it hurts the person you lied to. So that takes us to reality. Whether you live in the truth or the lie it becomes your reality. You can't escape it.

Reality bites.

Jesus, a new flat and a pretentious deer.

Last Thursday Emma and Rob had a party at their flat to celebrate Emma moving in, to catch up and oh and something to do with Jesus. It is the most beautiful flat I have seen in a long time and I may have to leave Lindsay and kill Emma so I can have Rob and his flat all to myself. :)

It was all a very lovely evening filled with laughter, dancing and of course serious discussions about world politics until the evil Polish vodka. Now of course it says on the bottle that it is just regular old vodka and that the long stem of grass is purely for decorative purposes. I personally feel that this "grass" may actually be the hair of Satan. Needless to say after a few too many cocktails and two to three shots of Satan's vodka I was legless. Literally. One minute I was getting up from the couch and making my way across the living room and the next I was on the floor. No tripping or slipping just up then down. The lovely Kalen picked me up off the floor and got me to Sarah.

I spent the next couple of hours admiring the craftsmanship of Rob and Emma's Bemis toilet. I have to say to the people of Bemis, love your work, however though the push in toilet flush may seem very stylish and sleek but it can be a bit of a pain to a drunken woman trying to hold on to the shred of dignity she has remaining. Of course Sarah was wonderful and went above and beyond best friend duties that night. She is the Lilly Allen to my Lindsay Lohan. Sarah did not however get along quite as well with the porcelain deer on Emma's bathroom sink. She announced that the deer was judging her and then promptly removed it's head. I cannot comment on the deer and it's alleged judging as I was too busy trying to stay alive.

Moments before I fell down for no reason

After slamming down water and triskets while taking advice from Sarah on the best ways to "remove" everything from my stomach and Emma pounding my back and offering crispers (among other things) Sarah managed to crawl me to the spare bedroom. I slept it off a bit and then managed to walk back out into the now just as messy as I had been party. All around an excellent evening...watch for future tabloid articles announcing my admittance to a Malibu rehab facility.

Piece of my Heart

A lot of people can say it but not many can feel it along with you. When your heart is bleeding and you can't take it anymore a little bit of Janis Joplin can make you feel like you aren't alone.

So pour yourself some Southern Comfort, turn up the volume and let your heart bleed with Janis.

Piece of My Heart

(Come on…)

Didn't I make you feel like you were the only man, well yeah,

An' didn't I give you nearly everything that a woman possibly can ?

Honey, you know I did!

And each time I tell myself that I, well I think I've had enough,

But I'm gonna show you, baby, that a woman can be tough.

I want you to come on, come on, come on, come on and take it,

Take another little piece of my heart now, baby, (break a..)

Break another little bit of my heart now, darling, yeah. (have a..)

Hey! Have another little piece of my heart now, baby, yeah.

You know you got it if it makes you feel good,

Oh yes indeed.

You're out on the streets looking good, and baby,

Deep down in your heart I guess you know that it ain't right,

Never never never never never never never hear me when I cry at night.

Baby, I cry all the time!

And each time I tell myself that I, well I can't stand the pain,

But when you hold me in your arms, I'll sing it once again.

I'll say come on, come on, come on, come on, yeah take it!

Take another little piece of my heart now, baby. (break a..)

Break another little bit of my heart now, darling, yeah, (come on…)

Have another little piece of my heart now, baby, yeah.

Well, You know you got it, child, if it makes you feel good

I need you to come on, come on, come on, come on and take it,

Take another little piece of my heart now, baby. (break a…)

Break another little bit of my heart, darling, yeah. (have a)

Have another little piece of my heart now, baby,

You know you got it (waaaaahhh)

Take a…Take another little piece of my heart now, baby. (break a…)

Break another little bit of my heart, and darling, yeah yeah (have a)

Have another little piece of my heart now, baby,

You know you got it, child, if it makes you feel good

Sunday Shooting and Sunshine

So last Sunday it was an absolutely gorgeous day and Sarah and I finally went out shooting again. Between all of our commitments lately we hardly ever seem to get out and shoot together which is a far cry from our minimum of once a week outings last spring/summer.

I had being eyeing this decaying old warehouse just off Main and Terminal every time I drove by so we hit that first. I seem to be going through a "urban decay" phase where all I want to shoot is decrepit buildings, peeling paint, broken windows and fire ravaged houses.

Of course in true Sarah and Jessie (aka Lucy and Ethel) fashion the area turned out to be a bit dodgier then I originally had anticipated. We kept the car close a) so we could make a quick getaway and b) so Lindsay would not kill us which helped our safety factor a little bit. We still ended up getting many looks and yells but the shots were worth it. I think next time we will have to go with a few other people as there was this even better area we wanted to hit but was a little bit too rough.

Also, when I say shooting I mean with cameras. For some reason everyone assumes we are out with hand guns. Really guys? We are out in rough areas with hand guns doing what? Playing Charlie's Angels? Do we really seem like those girls...wait don't answer that....

365 Month Three

I have completed my third month of 365. 90 photos done, 275 to go (and yes for all that know me I did have to use a calculator for that). I was on a bit of an emotional roller coaster this month and it definitely shows in the shots. It is becoming harder and harder by the day to find something new to do. I am also tiring of the sight of myself. I have never been one to shy away from cameras (ever) and honestly I love having my photo taken. I thought that this challenge would make me love myself more and help me see things I didn't before. That is what a lot of people seem to get out of it. I find though recently I am just judging myself more. That I am beginning to hate my smile and just feel like I couldn't take a great photo if I tried. Of course this could be all part of the process and next month I will be raving about how fabulous it all was.

I want to try and put more into my shots. I am looking forward to the warm weather coming and with it being lighter later so I have the option to go outside more.

As hard as it has been I really do love a lot of the shots I took this month. I would struggle to find a favourite, or even a top three. So maybe it isn't all that bad and I am just tired and cranky. Who knows?! :)

For those who have been following my 365, thanks, stick with me I am sure it can only get more interesting from here.

Because It's Ladies Night

I generally am not one for "girls" or "guys" nights. I always feel that it shouldn't matter what sex you are if you want to go out and have fun lets go. I did however break my own rules (big shock there :)) and organised a Ladies Night on Saturday night. Anyone who knows me knows that I tend to be more of a guy's girl and I haven't really had a set of close girlfriends since high school. This does not however mean that I don't know amazing women. So the thought crossed my mind, why don't I ever get all my amazing female friends in the same place? Well I wish I had done it sooner.

We went out for dinner and drinks at Chill Winston in Gastown. We had an absolute blast and some of us may have had a bit too much to drink (namely me!) leading to silliness, crazy photos and a couple of D & Ms in the co-ed bathroom. One with some guy named Justin who according to Sarah had the best jacket ever (she told him every couple of minutes). Even though I ended the night making friends with the bathroom floor (luckily this waited until I got home) it was the most fun I have had in a long time.

It made me realise how lucky I was to have such amazing, strong and fabulous women around me!! Thanks to all of you that came out. There will for sure be a sequel to this night!

These should be taken away before we go out!!

Leading Ladies?

I was reminded this afternoon while watching the trailer for Merry Gentlemen of some of the roles in movies which I loved as a young girl/teen. Merry Gentlemen stars Kelly MacDonald who I first saw in back in 1996 in Trainspotting. I was 13 at the time and my Dad took me to see the movie. The scene where Renton first meets Diane hooked me. I thought she was the coolest thing I had ever seen. Watching it now, I don't disagree.

The epitome of how I wanted to be - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zf3ByUMFMlc

So I was thinking who else did I want to be like back then. Who inspired me to be what I am. I am not sure that I idolised the "right" type of women. Maybe this was because of the type or genre of movies that were released during that period. It was a time of teen movies and the Spice Girls. Baby tees and platforms. Looking at it now most of them were overtly sexual, some of them crazy, some of them bitchy, all of them independent. Despite it being the time of Girl Power I wouldn't call any of these women a good feminist role model but they were hot, sexy, witty and uber cool.

Among the list - Angelina Jolie, Hackers; Julia Stiles, 10 Things I Hate About You; Rose McGowan, Jawbreaker; Drew Barrymore, Bad Girls

So the question comes up - if these are the women that inspired me while I was a teenager, which in turn led me to make decisions which lead me to who I have become as an adult, am I the bitchy, crazy, quick talking, sarcastic, overtly sexual, independent but still somewhat lovable girl that I longed to be then?

I will leave that up to you to decide.

Rebuilding my Wall

I had a wall around me
It was tall and solid and safe
It made me strong
When I was weak

But you came in and
Broke it down
One brick at a time
Leaving me open and exposed

Then as the last brick began to fall
You hit me hard
Knocking me like I haven’t felt
In so very long

So now I stand
Exposed, aching
Picking up the bricks
As I rebuild my wall

365 - Month Two

Another month of my 365 is done. I really like the shots this month. It was definitely more of a challenge once I was home and had to mostly work with my apartment at night when I was tired. It is getting more and more challenging to think of something new every day but I also think that it pushing me to get more creative.

Two months down.....ten to go!

Neglect & Music

I have very much been neglecting my blog as of late. I keep getting great ideas of things I want to write about but I am usually driving at the time and then by the time I get to my computer I have forgotten what I was going to say or get sucked into my flickr vortex! So back in the saddle I go.

We had beautiful sunny weather for a whole week last week! This may not seem all that important to my readers in Australia but for Vancouver that is a miracle run in February! I love the rain and generally am happier when it is bucketing down but this time I was loving the sun. All I wanted to do was get in my car, put on the music and drive in the sunshine!

Lately it is like I can't get enough music! I have to have it on at all times. I have always been more of a movie/tv girl so this has surprised me a bit. Through my life, especially when I was a teen, I used music like therapy. Whatever I am feeling I work it out through music. Note to people who are around me on a daily basis - please do not start over analysing my playlist, sometimes I just like a song.

I don't know if my new music obsession is based on me needing to work through issues or feelings or the fact that lately I have been feeling like I am 17 again. Or maybe I have just changed....either way I am going to enjoy it while it lasts.

Songs I currently can't get enough of:

Love Game - Lady Gaga
That Beep - Architecture In Helsinki
Fear - Lilly Allen
Brother - Little Birdy
Foolish Games - Jewel
Joydrop - Sometimes Wanna Die
Ruby - Kaiser Chiefs
Beautiful, Dirty, Rich - Lady Gaga (this one grows on you)
Mr. Brightside - The Killers
Sex on Fire - Kings of Leon
Live Without - The Panics
Calypso - Spiderbait

Day 50

I am 50 days into my 365 challenge. So far it hasn't been too bad. There are days when it is hard to think of something to do or nights where I just can't be bothered but I haven't missed a day yet! YAY!

http://www.flickr.com/photos/shutter_pixie/sets/72157612959839950/

Tonight I Watched the Moon Rise

Amongst the sprawling black of the night sky
a cloud glows with silver light
Electric like the neon lights of the city
It draws me in, captivated by it's beauty

Slowly it begins to peek out
Little by little making it's debut
The starless sky is illuminated
As it glows, full, round and milky white

Tonight I watched the moon rise.

Year of Jessie

So as my office desk neighbour Marc has heard more then he probably wants to, this is "the year of Jessie". Now before you think I am the most self involved person on the planet let me explain.
It all started when we were in Australia and Lindsay was talking about how this year was going to be his year. To focus on himself and his training and give his dreams a go. It made me think about a year where you focus on bettering yourself. Phase two came when Lindsay mentioned that I have a habit of not always treating people the best, especially in the way I speak to them. I also have a habit of hating. Finding the negative in people, places and things. I decided to change that and so became the year of Jessie.

This year I will try and become a more positive happy person. I will be content in what I have without losing the drive to achieve what I want from the future. This does mean however that I need to change how I live in order to find the contentment I crave. I am doing my 365 photography challenge to push me to shoot everyday and make time for things I love. I will get healthy without putting ridiculous amounts of pressure on myself to lose weight at the pace of a Biggest Loser contestant. I will stop thinking the grass is greener some place else and realise that my grass ain't so bad after all.

I want to give more time to old friends and try harder to make new ones. I realised that I was so happy when I was in Australia because we were out doing things and seeing people. It is hard to make friends as an adult but I need to learn to make more of an effort and not always wait for people to come to me.

I promised Lindsay that I would hate less this year. It is a challenge, one that sometimes I want to just give up on. I will never be happy-go-lucky, nor do I want to be. It isn't that I want to lose my prickles, that is part of who I am, but I do need to avoid becoming thorny!

Striving to find rainbows in storm clouds

Listed

Just after Christmas Ms Shannon tagged me in a list. Of course I didn't know this. One day I was perusing the blogs Beat follows, looking for something new and different and stumbled upon Shan's Smiles & Winks and BANG!! There I was. After being all flattered that she even knew I had a blog I thought oh no! now I have to step up to the challenge. So here it is.

The rules are,
Link to your tagger and list these rules on your blog. (see above)
Share 7 facts about yourself on your blog - some random, some weird (see below)
Tag 7 people at the end of your post by leaving their names as well as links to their blog. (This is going to be hard as I only know a couple of bloggers and most of them have already done this). Let them know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

[7 things about Shutter Pixie]

1. I can't ride a bicycle. Not even a little bit. I had training wheels once but never got to the wind in your hair flying down the seawall bit. Some people have told me that it should be easier to learn now that I am older and have a better sense of balance. It is not. I have tried it. It ended in tears.


2. I have irrational childlike fears about "things" (i.e. monsters, creatures, ghosts and psycho killers). I can't hang my feet off the bed because something might grab them, same goes for my arm, hand or fingers being over the mattress when I am in bed. I run full speed down hallways when I am alone and have to look behind me all the time because I swear I can hear people behind me.


3. I love little toys, nic nacs, ornaments. This includes funky/odd dolls, finger puppets and vinyl toys from Japan.


4. When I was a child I wanted to be black. I wanted dread locks and to be from New York. I preferred all my dolls to be black. I blame the Cosby show for this.


5. I love needlepoint. You know, yarn, needle, canvas. I only like the ones with the patterns on them because counting stitches is too much like math, which I am ridiculously bad at.


6. Most of my best friends are also members of my family. I guess they are usually the only ones who really get me.


7. I believe that inanimate objects may have feelings and therefore always worry that I am hurting them. I have a hard time ever saying that I don't like an object in my home like my couch. Anything with a face is worse like dolls or stuffed toys. I feel bad when I pick one and leave the rest on the shelf. This also leads to not wanting to get rid of anything.

7 bloggers (ummm, 3 bloggers, I really have to expand my blogger circle of friends):
djbeat - for starting it all
Smiles & Winks - for tagging me
Sarah - because maybe this will make her finally write in her blog