A New Year

A new year, a new layout, a new challenge?

It has been a couple of months since we all said good-bye to 2009 and I am just stopping for a moment to catch my breath and reflect upon the year that has passed and all there is to look forward to in the year ahead.

A year ago today (a year exactly. this was not planned I am no where near that organised) I started last year's personal challenge which was the "Year of Jessie". So did I succeed? That is a tough one. I did make a conscious effort to stick with the Year of Jessie plan, really I did. I saw out my 365 photography challenge to the end and am loving the results. It forced me to shoot everyday and to learn to look at my own photos without criticizing every part of my self (well most of the time anyway) and my work. I did continue to lose weight and get healthy this year while managing to except that I wasn't a contestant on Biggest Loser and any loss was a good loss. I spent time with friends and having fun - sometimes a little bit too much fun (ahem, Emma and Rob's housewarming).

So where did I drop the ball? I was going to stop thinking the grass is greener some place else. This has apparently been challenging. Once again we have returned home from a trip to Perth more confused than ever on where we should be and what is the best choice for us and our family. I am constantly struggling with myself at the moment as to whether or not the pull to move back to Perth is one of a practical and strategic nature or, if once again is a case of things aren't perfect here so they must be better there. I fear it is the latter of the two.

The key factor of the year of Jessie was to hate less. I believe my words were to keep my prickles but avoid becoming thorny. Out of all the goals I set myself for last year this was the one that I kept close everyday. It is a hard one to know if you really succeeded on or not but looking back now I think I did alright. Is there room for improvement? Of course! But I definitely gave people the benefit of the doubt a bit more and realized (often due to watching myself make mistakes) that no one is perfect and that is okay.

So what does this mean for this year? Keep on keeping on I would say. With the following goals in mind:

• Stress less - anyone who knows me knows that I stress at an unhealthy level. Must stop that! 
• Quality time - tying in with stressing less, I want to spend more quality time with those I care about this year. I want to use that time to do memory making activities instead of just going through the motions.
• Write more - that "novel" sitting in my laptop is not going to write itself. Since I have wanted to write a novel for as long as I can remember I need to make it a priority to sit down and type it out. Take the challenge and not get scared when it is hard. 
• Give more thought to my photography. I gave a lot of time last year to my 365. Taking a photo everyday was awesome and really did get me shooting more. But often the shots were rushed and I just got what I could. I want to take more time this year to plan out shots. Get an idea and follow it through. Take the time to play with certain shots and ideas until they become something I can be proud of. 
• Love better - I often take the people that are closest to me for granted and don't show them the love that they really deserve. This will change. 
• Make the best with what I have. Stop looking for the next best thing and realize that with a few tweaks, what I have could be paradise. 

So here we go - another year, another personal challenge. Let the "Year of Quality" begin.

Going in with eyes wide open

Truth, Lies and Reality

I am someone who likes to know all the facts. I don't like secrets, well that isn't quite correct. I don't like half information. Don't tell me something and then not give me all the information. It makes me obsessive and ridiculous. But I am getting off topic...

Truth is a funny thing. Everyone says that they want the truth. We all know lies are bad and breed other lies and then all of a sudden you are caught in a web of deception and there is no way out. So we pursue the truth and then when we have it, what then?

I spend all this time convinced if I know the truth it will make it all better. I will have all the facts and be able to sit down logically and move forward. Then I get the truth and it hurts more then the not knowing. Nothing is clearer...I don't want to go back to before the truth but I don't like it here either.

Truth hurts. It is important and probably for the best but it hurts. Lies hurt. If you keep up the lie they hurt the liar, if you eventually tell the truth it hurts the person you lied to. So that takes us to reality. Whether you live in the truth or the lie it becomes your reality. You can't escape it.

Reality bites.

Neglect & Music

I have very much been neglecting my blog as of late. I keep getting great ideas of things I want to write about but I am usually driving at the time and then by the time I get to my computer I have forgotten what I was going to say or get sucked into my flickr vortex! So back in the saddle I go.

We had beautiful sunny weather for a whole week last week! This may not seem all that important to my readers in Australia but for Vancouver that is a miracle run in February! I love the rain and generally am happier when it is bucketing down but this time I was loving the sun. All I wanted to do was get in my car, put on the music and drive in the sunshine!

Lately it is like I can't get enough music! I have to have it on at all times. I have always been more of a movie/tv girl so this has surprised me a bit. Through my life, especially when I was a teen, I used music like therapy. Whatever I am feeling I work it out through music. Note to people who are around me on a daily basis - please do not start over analysing my playlist, sometimes I just like a song.

I don't know if my new music obsession is based on me needing to work through issues or feelings or the fact that lately I have been feeling like I am 17 again. Or maybe I have just changed....either way I am going to enjoy it while it lasts.

Songs I currently can't get enough of:

Love Game - Lady Gaga
That Beep - Architecture In Helsinki
Fear - Lilly Allen
Brother - Little Birdy
Foolish Games - Jewel
Joydrop - Sometimes Wanna Die
Ruby - Kaiser Chiefs
Beautiful, Dirty, Rich - Lady Gaga (this one grows on you)
Mr. Brightside - The Killers
Sex on Fire - Kings of Leon
Live Without - The Panics
Calypso - Spiderbait

Year of Jessie

So as my office desk neighbour Marc has heard more then he probably wants to, this is "the year of Jessie". Now before you think I am the most self involved person on the planet let me explain.
It all started when we were in Australia and Lindsay was talking about how this year was going to be his year. To focus on himself and his training and give his dreams a go. It made me think about a year where you focus on bettering yourself. Phase two came when Lindsay mentioned that I have a habit of not always treating people the best, especially in the way I speak to them. I also have a habit of hating. Finding the negative in people, places and things. I decided to change that and so became the year of Jessie.

This year I will try and become a more positive happy person. I will be content in what I have without losing the drive to achieve what I want from the future. This does mean however that I need to change how I live in order to find the contentment I crave. I am doing my 365 photography challenge to push me to shoot everyday and make time for things I love. I will get healthy without putting ridiculous amounts of pressure on myself to lose weight at the pace of a Biggest Loser contestant. I will stop thinking the grass is greener some place else and realise that my grass ain't so bad after all.

I want to give more time to old friends and try harder to make new ones. I realised that I was so happy when I was in Australia because we were out doing things and seeing people. It is hard to make friends as an adult but I need to learn to make more of an effort and not always wait for people to come to me.

I promised Lindsay that I would hate less this year. It is a challenge, one that sometimes I want to just give up on. I will never be happy-go-lucky, nor do I want to be. It isn't that I want to lose my prickles, that is part of who I am, but I do need to avoid becoming thorny!

Striving to find rainbows in storm clouds